I am going to propose that contradictions are verbal constructs. Of course, all of modern life (urbanization) is a verbal construct, so that gives the contradiction weight within our society. In another society, they may be weightless.
When our mental capacity cannot make a plausible reason for our circumstances, we feel at risk, and feel that something is missing. The situation can be exactly the same for two people; but one person has a satisfying explanation for themselves, (no matter how far-fetched it is), and the other cannot justify it with his set of base assumptions. The first feels at ease. The second has an emotional upset, possibly leading to erratic or counterproductive behavior.
The way of looking that creates duel possibilities, often blocks people's ability to weigh their own actions.
1. That fright reaction is just the ancient human bodily mechanism. If you become familiar with the mechanism, you don't have to follow its urges. You are there to annul what you now know does not work toward your objectives. (That is totally different than suppressing emotion through the fear of consequences.) Within the mechanism, we react to what is programmed to be a threat, many things that we have learned, and/or the unknown. The programming comes from those explanations that are taken as fact, reality, or truth. But what part is real and what part is a construct? Let's look at these words: Contradiction, Paradox, Enigma, Conundrum, Dichotomy, Incongruity, Riddle, Mystification, they all lead to mental and emotional uneasiness. It is your reaction to any unwanted circumstance, or to the absence of claiming that you "already know".
Do you find anything of the sort in nature? Is there a contradiction built into every living or dead thing? Something is growing, and it is dying at the same time. Is that a contradiction? No, it is just the life process. Contradiction is just the human way of looking at it. All these words are a human construct, maybe useful for our way of analyzing, but also misleading to our emotions. We can either identify with these upsets and protect them as "who I am", or easily enough see through them. If they are harmless, we will know it, and we can play with them, create a drama. But when they are a limit to our possibilities, they could be quickly dropped. In concepts there are most always contradictions, because every concept itself is a human construct. People say; making a war to have peace is a contradiction. But nobody makes war for peace, they make war to right perceived injustices. And those might not in anyway be "just" to our present sense of it. Maybe it is a belief in subjugation, (which is a form of surface peace)?
2. We react, maybe 100's of times a day. So it must be real, isn't it? Somebody is impolite, or worse, aggressive, (against the way our culture thinks they should be). Shouldn't we hit them back, give them a taste of their own medicine, teach them a lesson? Has it ever worked? Yes it worked to make them more angry and revengeful. But is that what you wanted out of it. If you wanted to dominate them, then did you do it? "I think I have more power than them, so I should use it for my own benefit."
3. So what are your emotional reactions, if not only your own drama? And drama can be manipulative toward the other. Or it can be your excuse to withdraw from what you see as a limited payback. I won't get anything out of this encounter, so I'll justify to myself and run away. Then your payback is your separation and further isolation.
Maybe you have created lots of projects that already give satisfaction, and you have to weigh where to place your time. Something new has an untested payback. Something old has a track record, however limited, but it seems to be reliable up to that point. Is that satisfaction growing, or is it in a declining phase?
4. We still have to deal with it, because the mass of humanity is reactive, according to their own beliefs. With increased cultural mixing, people don't think like I do. But "deal with it in the other", doesn't mean to act it out within ourselves. I am saying every reaction is a waste of time and energy. Withdraw if it is not right. But don't take a stomach ulcer along with you.
Your most precious possession is your centered mind (and emotion). Call it equanimity. It is not an inert state, but your most balanced position to move from. It is the maximum of readiness, and your clearest point of vision. Ripples go through the system, but nothing sticks. You are cleared for renewed action in an instant. (or in a minute or an hour).
All reactions are built on justification. It is "your right" to express yourself. There is something called the "fed-up-factor", enough is enough. Of course we have to protect ourselves from physical harm. Part of that is judging the other's words, if they are inciting themselves into mal-action. Maybe some verbal drama shot back could be prudent. It is the war of propaganda narratives. Is that a normal public place of safety, or have you wandered into the "devils lair"? Why were you there in the first place, if there was a choice?
5. Some say; "I love to rant". Who's listening and what will they do about it? It is your job as a friend to listen and help me to dissipate it. (I do, but are you dissipating it or are you building it?) "Well, I really rant to myself, it seems like I have bottled up energy". What are the words that created that bottled-up feeling from seeming inconsistency. Those words are the villains, clear them out first. Don't wait to take a look; and then act it out when looking is too late.
It is so completely effortless, if that will become your desire.
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Reply to Dan from the 29th
Sometimes watching clips where the director is there commenting, on why we did this and why we did that, is interesting. There is a lot to this craft.
Somebody spent millions of dollars to show you 90 minutes of excellent instructions in particular fields or in life in general? This is what I wonder about. How were these instructions woven into the plot and scenes? Every human situation (if it is judged at all), infers the values of that culture. If those values are my values, the story can have meaning for me. If those values are NOT my values, or even if I was raised with them but now have discarded them, (very consciously); that movie is rubbish for me.
Blundering values are the cause of all world conflict. No matter how skillful a movie is crafted, if it is based on stupidity, it is stupid. Even let's say, if 90% of society is stuck on resolving life through those values, they will never do it. Because it is those limited concepts that are the cause of everything they seek to resolve. Most movies are aimed at a wide audience, the wider the better to regain those millions of dollars. Therefore most movies (probably all of them), are aimed to try to make sense of a human mire. Of course they never do it, stuck in the same mire, but audiences applaud them for giving it a good try.
The net effect is that the audience is stuck ever deeper into the falsity of their life. (It is their life, so for them it is true and not false.) I learn nothing out of watching it.
If a movie, or any art form, theater or novel, can question my current values, it has promise. Even if I end up not accepting it, I have looked and questioned how I operate, and maybe I have opened a window of curiosity to look deeper into it on the next occasion.
Models of human behavior under various conditions are always tied to underlying beliefs. They have no general application outside of that belief structure. This is where all movies DO NOT relate to your life. People may communicate and interact in a stupid way. All it can do is to make you embarrassed about the base levels in your culture. It was my culture. Is it any more, can I reject it, or am I stuck in it? I think life moves on. You say thoughts, emotional reactions or behavioral scenarios are very limited and, usually, pretty much unchanging over our life.
That is not my experience at all.
Decoding behavior patterns for an adult is a categorization. It comes from obsolete past judgement points. Novelty comes only through discarding them, as best as possible and day by day. "Finding a spontaneous person ready to risk their status quo for the sake of becoming more human is a rare treat." He has discarded many categorizations.
You say a live-interaction is risky - the other person may do something unexpected, unwelcome, challenging or openly threatening your status quo. I have never met anyone who stepped out of decorum. I don't travel in hostile neighborhoods though. If anyone, it is me that asks uncomfortable questions. I don't demand any answers though.
It's a continuous negotiation of your own borderlines in order to make you more of yourself than a few minutes ago. That's well-said.
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“…contradictions are verbal constructs…”
What about non-verbal people? There is some communication between them and verbal people, but we don’t really know how it operates. Things are easily explainable once we drag non-verbal people into the verbal world, but this is violence - we simply impose our constraints on them.
If they are not verbal, do they experience contradictions? Contradictions of what?
What about non-verbal animals? We may start with dogs and cats, which we “think” we know (really?). How do they process contradictions?