14 G.A. Speech Acts Define our Possibilities
We want to build agency in life, and our method is through a more careful consideration of our words, (our speech).
(1,500 words).
Supposedly-sophisticated people sometimes use their language in a disguised way. I speak these codes, and it is up to you (if you are hip to it) to decode them. It is true that some cultures speak in very indirect ways, Japan for example. I am not considering the many cultural variations in what is considered correct speech. Let’s just stick to the western, while keeping an eye on the difference in speaking styles, especially those tendencies between men and women. It is more polite to say, “well, I wish you good luck on all of your endeavors”, when we really might want to say "get lost." Then the acts of speech become crossed, and our most important consideration is never to speak directly or say what we truly mean. We are the mystery man. Of course. I am not suggesting with this example, that you should send anyone to get lost in hell. Better you can investigate what about them makes you upset, or what is it about you that causes a reaction. That latter is where the learning is.
1. Consider this: Are we speaking to the other, or are we actually speaking to ourselves? I claim that every act of speech is a kind of messaging to ourselves. The other is just the excuse. So why is it we don't dare articulate clearly who we are in this moment. What's the great fear? I am guessing that we are so judgmental about ourselves when we really let it penetrate what a simplistic verbal playground we operate on. Is that our kindergarten mentality? Have we ever got out of high-school? Please look and see if you have any favorite carry-overs from a long time ago.
2. Others treat life as a joke. They feel that humor is their only way to engage with another. (Humor is deflecting.) "It is my job to supply the irony to every conversation." If that's as deep as they get, it might be a pathology. Of course, we can joke around a bit, if we're for the most part, sincere about our communications.
3. Agency means that "what we say" - comes true. The words are a model of how our life will unfold moment to moment, and if that model becomes accurate, then we feel empowered. That eventually becomes the confidence NOT to live as a victim, even in the face of overbearing circumstances. It is a whole panoply of satisfaction and motivation through which you grasp hold of your life. Physically, maybe there is a compromise, but with our mentality, we have full control over our emotional / intellectual content. It is our equanimity. People that are the farthest off of balance will say that equanimity is sterile and cannot act, and it is only me; full of hate and animosity that can change things.
You be the judge. I would see that as a life of on-going misery. Others might see that animosity puts them in “one-up” position. That’s only until the other does not “one-up” your animosity.
These are my big statements that you can control your state of mind, but that is the whole point of this blog. Don't ask me to explain it in one sentence. (And it is easy, by the way.)
4. It is inaccurate to think that the only function of language is representational. That is to say, it is an illusion that with language there are only words fitting the world accurately, or not.
For a simple example of a speech act, when you say the words, “I promise”, you are not representing a promise that already exists somewhere – your word brings forth a promise into the world. It is a way of speaking that creates something in the world rather than describes something already existing in the world. It is written into a million business contracts. A promise suddenly exists where no promise existed before. And, you can’t dismiss that by saying, “It’s just semantics”.
5. We can define the usage of certain Speech Acts, and improve our ability NOT to use them at cross purposes. (That’s if we want to forge a strong connection between our words and our actions. If we just want to denigrate the other with words, be my guest.)
Committing to something. or someone is our pledge to support what that entity has been defined to be. Standing for something, is also our activity to build in collaboration with others. Offering something, that we have or an ability that we can share or utilize for the other or the whole. Inviting, is when I have an idea or a place where we can develop that program, which I can throw into the mix. Promising is a commitment for my future action. A promise is your word given to a person or to an entity for a specific action or a specific result by a specific time. In other words, there is always a “what”, “to whom” and “by when”. Requesting is about my wanting something the other possesses, some skill, ability or some "thing". I want to engage with some of your time. Commanding or Demanding, well, there is hierarchy of power, I see myself in a command position, perhaps which you have already agreed upon, (if I was elected). Revoking has to do with a previous promise that I made. Now I see circumstances differently, and I cannot fulfill what I had said. Maybe I will have to pay for someone's losses? Declaring is an invention. Perhaps I just claim something, founded or unfounded. It is a new way to look at it. You can accept it or reject or investigate it under your own circumstances, perhaps different than the declarer's. Asserting is an unsupported claim of fact. I just say it the way that I want it to be. (I see this as a filter, to only talk to those who assert the same things.) All the rest of humanity ignores me. Deflecting is probably the bottom of the barrel in the misuse of speech. That and claiming the opponent is too-ignorant to even bother speaking with.
The pre-condition required to create a future as a realm of possibility is an empty space. How is that space made available? Surely part of it is to discard those conclusions that close the space to that new possibility, those conclusions that say it is impossible anyway. Discarding means to determine that they are mistaken.
6. The Pitfalls of Masquerades used as if they're Committed Speaking & Listening, really means that your engagement with your own life exists at a very shallow level. You have limited, or no idea of what you stand for. What you really stand for is that there nothing we can do about (anything), so just bear it. Perhaps your main conclusion is to just pass time, to get this troublesome day to pass, to push the water of your life under the bridge of time, and allow it to be gone and lost forever.
If that is radical, you will know if it doesn't apply to you. It is relative though. If you feel you are already pretty high on the scale, then your potential might be much higher yet. You could be accelerating at a higher rate. So, it might also apply to you.
7. Social media demonstrates the level of the people (and society) around you. It is said that people don't read anymore, so better make a video. I have asked many of such people what was in that video that they liked so much? Please articulate your ideas, or the risk is that there are no ideas there. The cupboard is bare. I am talking about videos on basic life skills or philosophy. Youtube has millions of videos that show you how to do something.
8. There is a superficial way to receive language, (or a video) on a mostly feeling level. It "agrees with" our unconscious empathy. But no new concepts need be taken on board, (or just one or two), mostly as a verification of our own beliefs. It is my lazy way to activate my "free time". I define knowing something new, as "work", and this is my day-off. I just want to feel relaxed.
9. People don't write, so they are just a sloganeer. Slogans are all adopted, did you ever write one? A slogan is a way to belong, without saying anything. It is like a secret handshake. It is the main-stream-media that promotes these things and they get it going on social media as the latest fad. They want you to agree with them, but of course they don’t want you to SAY ANYTHING. Why would you ever engage with them? I suggest that we are so disconnected, that we struggle to be one of the crowd, on any inane basis that's possible.
If this doesn't apply to you, you'll be unfazed by it.
Thank you for being here.
.
Speech is the result of some earlier developments. It is always after the fact.
There is some raw input, the stimulus which wakes up the mind into a particular direction (subject, realm of experiencing, sensory activation).
This input is then processed internally and activates faculties of reaction: thoughts (insights, understanding, explanation), feelings (which are thoughts which have not become conscious understanding, or conscious thoughts) or actions (physical reactions of the body).
When these reactions are internalized (experienced) in full, that’s the end of the story. Like: you are watching a sunrise, and the total impression is so overwhelming that you become immersed in it. When you are fulfilled, you simply walk away. But your friend, who is standing next to you, says, “How beautiful!” Now you know that your friend is not here, does not see the sunrise, and cannot appreciate it as it is. His mind has taken over the whole experience - and destroyed it. The same happens with people in love. Their love ends when the words “I love you” are spoken out. The mind has hijacked the experience, the love is gone.
Words are crippled substitutes of the experience. We sometimes try to use words as directions, indications to the experience - this is where synonyms and metaphors come into existence. We are unable to convey the message (because it always is without words), so we build prostheses. None of them will function properly, because none is the direct equivalent of that which is without words.
Here is where people miss the point. They meet to talk and usually their intention is to convince the other, to persuade them into believing the version of “truth” which they relate. Families know this perfectly well. There is no way for two persons to have one view on anything. We try to reconcile this with “compromises” - the participants agree to give up some of their perceptions (aka truths) and accept (temporarily) the agreed definition or concept. It will never work, and misunderstandings will follow, and people gradually become alienated from each other. 20 years down the line, boom, divorce. No way, how could it happen?
Lawyers know this process first hand. This is why all contracts have “Definitions” as Section 1. Definitions are capitalized, to signal to the participants that their meanings are different from any other context and apply only to this particular contract. Simple, effective, useful, functional. And immortal. These definitions will be the same after 20 years, the meanings, the contribution of the parties, their responsibilities and profits, everything will be the same. Stability.
The question is why we do not do this in our daily life, in interactions with other people. We “fall in love” and we forget to sit down for the most important two hours in our life. It’s time to make definitions, capitalize them, and then build the contract based on mutual consent. So simple.
We do it, anyway - but in secrecy, where the other is not allowed. We define everything for ourselves, an we do not share these definitions (except in psychotherapy, when it’s already too late) - just in case, to make them a handy tool for future interventions.
Obviously, the agreed definitions and the whole thing should be written down, dated and signed. We do it with apartment rentals, car purchases, employment, sending kids to schools, allowing a physician to interfere with our body, “approving” a person to act on our behalf (aka voting), but we neglect to do this with the most important part of life: relationships.
This is why speech acts are possible and abound with possibilities other than mutual consent and happiness.
Not a comment, clearly. Rather, a different view of where speech can lead us if we are not aware of these processes. I guess.
A great article with great insights. Thank you. So rich in items to read, re-read, analyze and reconsider again. I love it. Will need more time to sink into it.